I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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