I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I die, sorry about rent.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize