Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
