I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
