he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
