Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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