Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
