If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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