It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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