Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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