omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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