i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
