got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
worst night to have a conscience
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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