Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
