watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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