had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
