ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
