i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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