i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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