i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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