My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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