is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
