Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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