i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
