I just threw up on my dentist
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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