oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
why is half of my head shaved?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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