Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
