think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
