whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize