I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
