yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
