dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
