You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
