So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
