but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
