the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
