I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
