I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
