There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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