She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
