Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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