Sponge bath it is.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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