this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
