thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
