mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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