Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
