I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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