im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
