I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
