So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
