Dual....:-)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize