i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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