Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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