Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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