so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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