The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
