And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
