I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
