You're so nebulous sometimes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
