Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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