worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
