you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
