Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
