worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
