just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
