Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
