so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
