My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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