So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize