omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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