Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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