dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
