I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
