Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
