my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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